Just a little...

Now I am ashamed to have ever been associated with Hadi bin Omar. Hearing about and shown all the attention he is trying to garner - not that i don't already know but not to this extent. I think people think I scored a pot of gold because all of that brawn but nooo... He tried so hard to change me. Even worse, his suicide threats (thrice) before scared me because it was all new, and then when i got tired of it and wanted to end it, his crying and begging.
I can only hope no one else has to go through this.

These are messages I would look back at, to see how far i've come and endured. If i didnt reply - I try to cool down and hold my tongue - he would spam all channels, even social media. Of course, with the hope that it would all go well for us when he stops controlling me, who I hang out with, and accept me for who i am.

These were all a year ago. I didn't let go because he was fighting for us, hence I fought for us. It was worth it, holding on. And I was totally aware of what he was doing and I allowed it to happen because I wanted to give my all - he painted such a bright future for us, it was  hard not to.

Although I knew he was seeing a girl when we were still together, getting together with her so soon made it a hard pill to swallow. He always have backup plans/ girls to move on to. Funny how I told a friend a few weeks before that "some people need to constantly be in a relationship to feel validated".

I am, however, at peace now. The sense of who I used to be before being downtrodden is slowly seeping back and more than ever, I want to be with my friends. The friends who were caring at a distance because I was too cowardly to fight for them. Thank you all for accepting me back into your lives.